The Grass is Never Greener

Invitation

I hope this post helps others find perspective and clarity in a world full of distraction. 

You don’t have to believe me. I’m just sharing what I’ve experienced in my life so far. I hope you’ll discover whether what’s in here is true by trying it out in your life. 

 

Intro

Ever wonder why we’re always rushing to become better in some area? “I need to hurry and get a:

better job 

or that promotion

or another client

or launch that business

or a better home

or a better car

or a better body (which is really saying “I need to be more desirable”)

or a better watch 

or better furniture 

or newer phone SOON.”

 

To summarize:

“I need to make or spend money so that I can get that [thing you buy with money to become better] sooner rather than later.”

 

Why are we in such a rush to be better?

 

Paradigm

“The harvest is always richer in another man's field.” – poet Ovid, 18 A.D.

Back in the day

We have been comparing ourselves to the alpha, big dick, male gorilla or the most sexually desirable female gorilla since we were literally gorillas.

Nearly every male envies the alpha because the alpha gets all the bitches. Either the envious betas leave to be alpha elsewhere or become subordinate to the alpha, resenting the alpha until he dies. Nearly every female envies the most attractive female because she gets alpha semen and access to the king’s banana vault. Being at the top means status, and status means perks.

There are exceptions: interestingly, a few gorillas are content with being in the middle: not getting high-end mates or more food.

Today

With the advent of social media and portable internet, our gorilla troop no longer ends at 2 males and 12 females. Our circle now includes 35,000 Instagram friends and celebrities. They’re constantly posting their new $20M beach house, six-pack abs, or 17^th vacation to Tahiti.

Furthermore, you have a river of ads telling you how to be better. “Get this watch and you’ll be suave like James Bond.”  Or, “Get this perfume and you’ll be elegant like this billionaire princess.”

Let’s do the math:

Conservatively, we spend 2 hours a day on our phone/laptop

Every 10 seconds, an ad pops up, and lasts about 5 seconds, or 4 ads per minute

4 ads/min. * 60 mins/hour * 2 hours/day = 480 ads per day

We’re on the phone seven days a week, for the past seven years

480 ads/day * 365 days/year * 7 years = 1,226,400 ads viewed by you over the past 7 years

Someone has told you that you were NOT good enough over one million times.

Those little jabs add up.

 

Shift

It's about time we start questioning the assumptions:

Why is the grass always greener?

Maybe…

…because people always focus on what they don’t have.

You must not compare yourself to other people. Instead, compare yourself to who you were
yesterday. - Jordan Peterson

You can shoot for a yacht. You can shoot for bigger boobs, a bigger house, or a bigger wage. Everyone has different natures and paths to joy. 

As long as you're not hurting anyone, live your life your way.

But, that’s the catch, are you living your life your way, or someone else’s way? Do you really want a yacht, or do you want to be known as “the guy with the yacht”? 

Going In to Get Out

Perhaps we should ask ourselves, if no one else existed in the world, would I still be rushing to reach my goal?

That might shed some light on how much we compare ourselves to others and how much energy we put into one-upping each other.

It's time to ask ourselves one of the toughest questions of all, "Is this what I truly want?" 

The first step to answering this is: know thyself.

Have you ever sat down to get to know yourself? 

There’s two of you, really. The you that calls the shots, and the you that does the work. 

Maybe Boss You has been too critical of Worker You. 

Maybe Boss You needs to stop and assess if those "goals" are truly what's best for you.

Take out a piece of paper, and write with yourself. Because, you are not 100% real to anyone, and most of all not to yourself, which makes sense because you are your meanest critic. But, to a paper, or a journal, you finally get to be 100% honest because a journal will never judge.

Perhaps, you two can finally get to know each other and make fair deals so Worker You will stop revolting (i.e. burn out, depression, escapism, "nothing matters"). 

“Hey Worker Me, how about a deal? Can you research my idea for one hour today? Afterwards, I promise to get you a beer or a coffee.”

Tyrant You and Slave You could become Friend You and Friend You Too.

Stand Up to Yourself

So, stop rushing. 

Take some time to find out who you are, not who you're supposed to be. 

Dare to ask yourself, “What if I’m good enough?”

Dare to lower the bar, flatten your expectations, and see if you can find more joy in being the middle gorilla. 

Dare to do ONE thing today FOR YOURSELF that will make your life a little better than it was yesterday. Do that for three years and be transformed.

Dare to see a psychologist (non-judgmental expert mental therapist and trainer). Remember, one million jabs to the mind. Best decision of my life.

Have the courage to change your mind when the evidence turns against you. - Marcus Aurelius

And hopefully, next time you decide to climb a mountain, instead of the usual Tyrant You screaming in your ear, Friend You will be there to lift you up. 

You decide.

Sincerely,

an aspiring middle gorilla

P.S. 

References:

M. Aurelius

L. Tzu

S. Jobs

M. McConaughey

J. Peterson

J. Choe

My friends

My family

My soulmate